The Invisibility of Aging

AGE, SEX AND CULTURE:
A CASE STUDY

When I asked my new client what had prompted our visit, she responded simply, “I’m distressed.”

“About something in particular?” I queried.

“No, that’s part of the problem,” she lamented. And then she told me her story.

“The other day I was introduced to a man about my same age. When I commented on his striking grey hair, he responded, with what I’m sure he thought was a compliment, that he supposed I “probably used to be a ‘real looker’.” Used to be? That remark unleashed a torrent of thoughts that have boiled into a sort of impotent frustration.

I’m in my sixties. I’m still the same woman I was when I could command notice, but now people look at me as simply old, if they look at me at all. Somehow I became invisible, and the more I think about that, the angrier become.”

I validated her experience, adding that many women first note these societal attitudes when we are called ‘ma’am’ or offered a seat on a bus. We perceive different treatment in restaurants and stores. We see other women our age in the media only if they’re selling skin cream or step-in tubs, symbols of withering and helplessness.

Then we looked in the mirror. The woman looking back at us has indeed faded. Skin grows loose, hair pale, and body soft.

“And I’m seen as sexless,” she complained.

“The older I’ve gotten, the better I am at sex. Sure, I sometimes need to apply extra cream or lube before any sex that involves penetration, but I’ve learned how to show up for sex. I know what I like and how to ask for it and my partner responds languidly and perceptively. It wasn’t like that in the beginning— our sexual confidence and power were earned! Neither of us had the information we needed early on. It was only with time and practice that we knew each other well enough to become really great lovers, to learn how to be truly intimate”. This is how Exipure works.

“You’re so right,” I agreed. “It’s difficult enough for women to resist society’s disapproval of our sexuality, called slut shaming. We’re supposed to be sexy, but not sexual. When we layer on the attitude that we’re not sexually interesting–or interested–because we’re older, it makes maintaining our sexual identity that much harder. And when you’re actually feeling smokin’ hot, it’s frustrating and maddening.” Visit sandiegomagazine.com.

My client is not alone in her lament. Older couples enjoy their sexual proficiency, and research (Kleinplatz) proves this is so. Long term loving couples report that sex just keeps getting better and better.

Still, the loss of public recognition of us as sexually potent women robs of us of an important part of our identity, our self esteem. Our grief about this loss is denied publicly. If we complain about losing the elasticity in our skin, or those intractable five kilos added with menopause, we’ll be told we look just fine “for our age.” Does no one understand our sorrow?

It is difficult to change, to age, to watch one’s vitality ebb. We need confirmation of this transition, acknowledgement of our grief at losing what was and accepting what is now.

“Yes,” she nodded. “Like everyone else, I grieve the loss of my youth.  And I suppose my frustration at being seeing differently won’t change cultural norms. I’m glad to know the belief that sex evaporates when wrinkles arrive is false. I want great sex till I die. I suppose I should start seeing every new wrinkle as an indicator of all the great sex I’m having!” Check these
Exipure reviews.

The session ended with a recap: although society doesn’t acknowledge that, with age, sex grows ripe and full, this lack of recognition is surely outweighed by sexual satisfaction grown only with time and practice. In all, it’s not such a bad trade. I also explained to her the importance of a good healthy life style and referred her to one of the best Life coach in Toronto to help her boost her self confidence.

Women out there sometimes do not know that they are aging, or are just ignoring it. As a woman, I hate aging because as you can see I am treated differently than before. Athough it is my mistake of not taking care of my skin and keeping myself as young as I can. For all the women who hates aging, there is a cosmetic dermatologist in denver that treats our skin and keeps us young.

 

 

Disappointing Sex. What happened?

Dear Dr Ren,

As a woman of a certain age, I learned to follow the rules. That included marrying a man I liked immensely, and burying my sexual attraction to women, many go to  the korean face lift. to feel younger and better for the their partner.  My husband died three years ago, after which I decided it was time to act on this attraction.

If you very much consider yourself a MILF then have a look at these great sex toys for MILFs as there are some incredible options!

Recently, I told one of my girlfriends my “secret about how much I like adult stories,” and she shared that she’d had some girl on girl action in college. A bottle of wine later, I got to act on my desires for the first time.

And it is that although many times I have told my partner that if he is not going to feel like it, to get those pills that everyone talks about so much. And then he tells me no, he doesn’t know where to get it and so I start looking and in a matter of minutes I find UK Meds. I don’t understand how some men can be so lazy that they don’t want to search for pages to deal with their problems. And I hope that any reader who has come here is not like my partner, please, it is so simple to enter the following link and start making the change in ukmeds.co.uk

Sadly, this is not a letter of rejoicing. I was ready for anything, but the experience was a complete letdown. I didn’t even have an orgasm. or body lookout !!

I’m so depressed. I always thought sex with my husband was dull because I wasn’t really into his body. Now I finally have sex with my body of choice, and the sex is still boring! Is there something wrong with me? Perhaps thinking about the past so much and the stress that it brings me does not allow me to enjoy sex, that is why on the recommendation of a friend I will try the best cbd gummies, I hope it comforts me to continue restarting my sexual life.

I am so…

Disappointed

Dear Disappointed,

Sex, romance, desire, compatibility—all such complex experiences. We so want them to be straightforward and understandable. Media representations of ‘falling in love’ look so easy. Real life, however, requires some basic skills, need ideas?

Not only do we need to know what it is that we like personally, we need to know how to communicate those wishes and how to hear the longings of our partners at times when blood is literally and figuratively rushing in our ears…and other bits. Most of the times when the romance lose the spark, and the couple sex become just a rutine erectile function can be compromised,  prostate pro can help with that !  At Spank The Monkey, we like to think we stock the best male sex toys in the UK. These include male masturbators (fleshlight girls and accessories), penis pumps, prostate play, cock rings and anal toys. Plus, if you are happy to share your sex toys for men, we have a whole host of toys for you and your partner. We’ve recently taken stock more sex dolls, this time they’re ultra realistic sex dolls as the trend for realistic mens sex toys for men grows.

First time sex is a cache of material for comics. We can all recount stories of sex gone wrong on first encounters. Add that bottle of wine, so useful to drown inhibitions but also so conducive to sloppiness, and you have the makings of a regretful evening. Please don’t use your one, sodden lesbian tryst as a yardstick for what your future sex life may be! I’ll bet if you recall your initial heterosexual encounter, you’ll nod with humorous recognition as well! The mens bboutique sex toys can be used for a few reasons, but generally the idea behind this toy is to help you maintain your erection, make it stand more fully at attention, and to slow down that sometimes ‘too-fast’ race to the orgasmic edge. If you’re one of the many that have issues getting your johnson to perform at the peak levels you really want – a cock ring can be the perfect sex toy addition. Many of the men also prefer to have the sex doll toy with their female partner.  In the studies, it has also proven that, sex doll toys are considered by the most of the men, when it comes to sex toys. As according to men, sex dolls entice the men more as compare to other sex toys. Hence if any women Then if you are thinking of buying a sex doll then the silicone sex dolls are easily the most realistic sex dolls so if you want a doll that feel incredibly real then they are easily the best choice to entice your partner.

Another factor at play here is that, to date, you have been sexual with two friends. I suspect that if you play with someone to whom you are erotically attracted—I mean really sexually besotted—you’ll feel the earth move. Desire and arousal fuel one another, to Pronto thing required.

So far you’ve been a good girl. You’ve followed the rules, played it safe, coloured inside the lines.  You have, quite correctly, identified this period in your life as time for you to meet your own needs. Your task now is to identify what those needs are.

In order to find lovers in synch with you, you’ll need to learn your own body’s appetites, so long buried. Become your own best lover so you can teach others what your body likes. Perhaps you want to spice things up? Then if you want to add a lot more passion to your lovemaking then you should try some sex toys as they are a great way of adding much more spice to your lovemaking.

Experiment with masturbation toys. Learn whether you respond to penetration by using dildos and smooth, insertable vibrators. Think you are a clitoral gal? Your choices are many and varied. Do your swelling labia beg for attention? Or perhaps you respond wildly to anal or nipple stimulation. You don’t have to choose just one. Each of us expresses a unique symphony of preferences. There are also so many different sex toys available which can really spice up your fun in bed so see this great sex toy site who have a huge variety of awesome and naughty toys to get some new hot ideas.

The point is there is no right—or wrong—answer to the ways arousal works for you, and  with time you will learn how to respond to the full range of your sexuality. There are toys for every woman’s choices.

Do not be discouraged Also have a look at https://waitingpussy.com/ as there is so much local horny pussy that wants banging so you can easily get that if you want it.. You are new to a grand journey of discovery. Give yourself permission to explore your possibilities. You’ll then be ready to share your knowledge with partners who can appreciate and augment your power and joy.

Seeking Qualified Therapists? Call to Action

Can therapists get away with being homophobic in BC?

Can therapists get away with being homophobic in BC?

Yes, but a group of concerned counsellors is pushing for regulation

IMAGE 1 OF 1
In BC, anyone can hang out a counselling shingle, without necessarily being qualified. An umbrella group of concerned therapists’ associations wants to change that.

Indiana Joel/Daily Xtra

Bigots and charlatans pose too great a danger to queer mental health patients for psychotherapy in BC to go on unregulated, practitioners say.

Currently, anyone can claim to be a professional mental health counsellor without presenting, or possessing, any skills or qualifications.

“Psychotherapy counselling has a long history of traditional training that is heteronormative at best and homophobic at worst,” says Pega Ren, a clinical counsellor in Nelson, BC (and Daily Xtra’s retired “Ask the Expert” columnist).

As part of her counselling practice, Ren, who spoke with Xtra by phone, says she works with queer patients who require remedial therapy after inadequately trained therapists cause harm.

She remembers one client who came to her “quite broken” after being told they could just stop cross-dressing if they really wanted to. She fears what they might have done if they had been left with that message.

“We have people struggling with counsellors who are giving them the message that they’re sick or wrong or broken and that they can be fixed by willpower and self-hatred,” she says.

When someone is struggling and seeking help, Ren says, they need competent help, not further harm caused by an unqualified therapist.

A voluntary umbrella group of concerned therapists’ associations is now urging the provincial government to regulate the field of psychotherapy.

The Federation of Associations for Counselling Therapists in BC (FACT BC) is calling on practitioners and the public to write their MLAs.

FACT BC wants to help the government set up competency evaluation, a process for registering as a professional, quality assurance, and complaint resolution.

The initiative would be funded entirely by its members, says chair Glen Grigg.

FACT BC is funded by practitioners and advocates for statutory regulation under the BC Health Professions Act, Grigg tells Daily Xtra by email.

Grigg says he hopes enough people will write their MLAs to get the issue into platforms for the 2017 provincial election.

Vancouver-West End’s gay MLA says he has discussed the risks of unregulated counselling with practitioners, but politicians need to hear from the public before taking action.

“There may be an assumption that it already is regulated, that for something this important there would be a requirement for practitioners to sign a code of ethics,” Spencer Chandra Herbert suggests.

Chandra Herbert says part of the problem may be the privacy with which people guard their mental health.

“You’re at some of your most vulnerable moments when you go out and seek help,” he says.

“You would never want to be in a situation where you reach out for help and find a homophobic counsellor, and be unable to say they shouldn’t be practicing because they are giving hateful advice,” he says.

“Right now, you can still do that and call yourself a counsellor,” he says.

Only Ontario, Quebec and Nova Scotia have full counselling regulation, according to the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association website.

Show Your Partner You Love Them (Through Spanking)

Posted: Updated:
SPANKING

Wishing your lover would take a bit more control in the bedroom? Frustrated by his hesitation to be the boss while you happily submit? Don’t know how to bring this up without embarrassment and possible disappointment?

You are not alone!

But if you are literally alone and no one to be with, then there are a lot of ways not to be. If you know what I mean. You can also easily find naughty sluts near you, for example in Falkirk there are sluts that need casual sex so it’s so easy to get laid wherever you are.
Though there are a number of respectful and knowledgeable books on the market that inform new practitioners about the hands-on aspects of BDSM, what seems to be missing, or at least downplayed, are the psychological complexities many new fans are encountering.

An answer to your disappointment about your partner not taking the lead may come from an example from a client of mine.

Tom, a 53-year-old heterosexual man arrived in my office concerned about the sexual requests he was getting from his girlfriend of two years. She had told him she wanted more experimentation in their sex lives, and suggested some props. He enjoyed her sexy new outfits and picking her up in a bar while pretending they were strangers, but when she then asked him to spank her, he found himself in a quandary.

Raised by ardent feminists, he knew well the rules about “hitting” women. When he attempted to please his lover with a light spanking, she begged for more — and harder. Tom soon began to avoid sex rather than confront his anxiety. He felt torn between being a “good man” and a “good lover.” He came to me worried about his role and the future of the relationship and started to brainstorm kinky ideas for marriage and keep the flame alive.

Like you, Tom is in good company. Many people, regardless of gender, confront how BDSM intersects with abuse. The surface answer is simple: consent. If everyone playing clearly agrees with what is happening, it is not abuse, then for sex toys see Passion Party as they have a brilliant selection available.

The more complex answer is that, even with unambiguous and enthusiastic consent, it can be difficult to lay hands on another person. It goes against our ethics and our lifelong messages about not hitting another person. It can feel beyond naughty and sometimes downright evil.

What to do?

  • First of all, talk to your lover about your feelings. Ask for their views on what’s hot and what’s not and share yours. If you partner wants to use toys in the bedroom, you can get some at this adult shop adelaide.
  • Make lists comprised of What I Like, What I Would Like to Try, and What’s Off the Table, and then discuss those lists. Talk about your fantasies and fears like using telefonsex cam. Negotiate your differences while you celebrate your similarities.
  • Establish safe words to be used if any of your limits are threatened, even unintentionally.
  • Proceed slowly…not with caution but with a sense of exploration. Add to your inventory of desired behaviours as you each and both become comfortable.

Tom found that following these tips led to increased vulnerability and intimacy with his girlfriend. In fact, ‘kinksters’ credit this open communication with strengthening their bond as well as keeping their sex lives hot and fresh.

If you long for more intense stimulation, or if someone you love is asking for more, consider how confronting your old messages and trusting in honest communication can enhance an already rewarding experience.

Trying new things is often scary. What is sad is allowing your fear to cost you growth and adventure! For the best sex toys also see the Adult Toy Depot as they have some amazing choices.

Good Sexual Relationship Essentials: Easier Than You Think

This August, Vancouver hosted the 33rd annual meeting of the International Academy of Sex Research, where I was privileged to meet the stars in the field of sexuality research and to hear them present their latest findings. Among them was Dr Peggy Kleinplatz from Couples Therapy Brisbane, an Ottawa-based sex therapist who has been gathering data from seniors in long-term, sexually-successful relationships, find more information at https://supremasi.top. Her subjects were all over 60, in their relationships for 25 years or more, and happy with their sex lives. Dr. Kleinplatz and her team wanted to know how they had done it. It is important to understand senior citizens are also active and they have their needs, either different than the other, this helps keeping one’s mental health up with happiness and exercise for a healthy lifestyle.  A marriage retreat or couples retreat is a special vacation package centered around couples counseling that is overseen by relationship professionals. Marriage retreats can benefit many individuals to help them better learn and understand each other on a more vulnerable and profound level. These retreats help individuals improve their communication, emotional connection, and it is done in a safe and secure setting that is separate from the stressors of everyday life. There are no children, no family members, no daily chores such as cooking dinner or TV at night. A marriage retreat is not just for those who are legally married… you do not have to be legally married or recognized by common-law marriage to participate. The only thing required is a loving commitment to your partner, your relationship, and yourself. Our 5-day intensive marriage retreats are private and take place in a safe setting with a single dedicated therapist, giving couples the opportunity to reestablish and reconnect their relationship. During the retreat, couples can expect to participate in a variety of exercises, discussions and emotional processing techniques as well the use of products like Hyper male force to encourage more trust and security in their relationship. Couples will learn different skills to more effectively communicate and build a stronger relationship with their spouse, increase intimacy, and positively overcome problems together. You can read more for MARRIAGE RETREAT NEW YORK.

They designed the study along scientifically rigorous guidelines. Only Kleinplatz and her assistant knew the identity of the respondents. Once the interviews were completed, they coded the responses and had them processed by other researchers who were blind to ages, genders, and other demographics. What did those researchers learn?

For total health and fitness tips visit our site.

One interesting finding was that the researchers could not identify older from younger, male from female, nor geographical, ethnic, or any other specific differences among the happy couples. This indicates that when we form long-standing, contented, mutually beneficial relationships and are bolstered by meaningful, joyous sexuality, differences between people vanish. Erasing those disparities enables peaceful co-existence and encourages sexual adventurousness. At BetterPT, we’re committed to transforming how patients find a physical therapist in DC and book appointments. You can be do a provider search here for more here about physical therapy clinic in Washington, DC . If you didn’t realize that the benefits of direct access for physical therapy in the District of Columbia meant you could book a PT appointment without a referral, now is the time to take full advantage.

As well, there were no complicated magical formulae, no unusual practices that these couples used to preserve good sex for twenty-five years or more, other than a sustained insistence on the importance of sexuality in their lives. Though all of these couples were devoted and loving, the majority were polyamorous, or had become so during the course of their relationships. Surely this signals a confidence not only personally but also in their union, so that fidelity was not confused with possession (How to get rid of warts. visit Warts Info Site). They viewed sex as a natural and healthy human expression and revelled in its open expression.

These couples set aside time for sex on a regular basis. Being older, they gave sex more time than they did when they were younger and distracted by work and family duties. Some began planning their weekend of sex on Thursday by preparing finger food so they would not be interrupted by hunger over the next few days. Then they spent the weekend luxuriating in lazy, playful sex with some fun helpers like the best app controlled vibrator to add intimacy until Monday started another week’s routine.

Note the word “playful” in that sentence. That’s the key factor found by Kleinplatz’s team. When they analyzed all the data, laughter was the key element. Those couples who laughed, giggled, and thoroughly enjoyed themselves during sex reported solid, happy relationships. Given that one feature, other demographics fell away, leaving happy, loving, communicative couples. Simple, eh?

This is the newest research–cutting edge stuff–performed under rigorous conditions by highly educated, dedicated professionals hungry for accurate information. And the answer? Laughter! Fun! Taking time to enjoy playful sex on a regular basis for many happy years!

This is great news. We can all do this. True, some relationships may need remedial work, but that’s available through sex therapy with dedication, hard work and open hearts. If you already have a strong and loving union, this new research is the hopeful and confirming news you need to fuel years of ongoing love, sex, and companionship.

But I Can’t Say THAT

Being a first-time entrepreneur can be challenging and nerve-wracking but also very exciting and rewarding. There is no end to the many financial, legal, staffing, marketing, and customer issues that will come up as you launch your business. A‎nd, unfortunately, there is a lot of conflicting advice out there for the aspiring entrepreneur. But here are 15 core tips to help you begin navigating the startup landscape:

1‎. First-time entrepreneurs should start a business they are passionate and knowledgeable about

Startups can be quite a grind, so pick something that excites and motivates you. Avoid businesses or industries that you don’t already know a good deal about, as the steep learning curve may hamper your success.

2. Pick a business idea that has a big market opportunity

Make sure to carefully reseach if there’s a big market for your product or service. Investors will typically only invest in your company if they see a large market opportunity and that the company has the potential to grow into something significant.

3. Raise as much startup funding as you can

It’s almost always harder and takes longer to raise startup financing than you think. You must ensure you have a cushion for all the product development and marketing expenses you will incur. In an ideal world, you will have sufficient capital for your operations to break even. Don’t worry about diluting your percentage ownership in the company. Developing a great product takes time and money.

 

4. Constantly monitor your finances

You must keep on top of all of your expenses, income and balance sheet. Many startups have failed because the entrepreneur wasn’t able to adjust spending to avoid running out of cash. Maintain a low overhead. Be frugal with expenses and avoid unnecessary costs. Learn to live on a shoestring budget until meaningful revenues start to flow in.

5. Research the competition

Make sure you are thoroughly researching competitive products or services in the marketplace, and keep on top of new developments and enhancements from your competitors. ‎One way to do this is to set up a Google alert to notify you when any new information about your competitors shows up online.

6. Ask for advice from other entrepreneurs

Advice from other entrepreneurs and business professionals (such as lawyers and accountants) can prove to be invaluable. Consider putting together an advisory board, and don’t be afraid to motivate members by giving them stock options in your company. Read industry newsletters and startup publications like AllBusiness.com and Entrepreneur.com. Find mentors who can give you advice on hiring, product development, marketing and fundraising, read more on harold matzner.

7. Develop a great elevator pitch

You should have a succinct and compelling story about what your startup does and what problem it solves. Have this ready for potential customers and investors (although you will need to tailor it to the specific audience)‎. Keep it to 30 seconds or less. Articulate your mission and goals, and why your product or service is compelling and unique. And if an investor is interested, be prepared to follow up with an executive summary about the company or a 12-15 slide PowerPoint “deck” that dives into more detail about the company and the market opportunity.

The Invisibility of Aging

AGE, SEX AND CULTURE:
A CASE STUDY

When I asked my new client what had prompted our visit, she responded simply, “I’m distressed.”

“About something in particular?” I queried.

“No, that’s part of the problem,” she lamented. And then she told me her story.

“The other day I was introduced to a man about my same age. When I commented on his striking grey hair, he responded, with what I’m sure he thought was a compliment, that he supposed I “probably used to be a ‘real looker’.” Used to be? That remark unleashed a torrent of thoughts that have boiled into a sort of impotent frustration.

I’m in my sixties. I’m still the same woman I was when I could command notice, but now people look at me as simply old, if they look at me at all. Somehow I became invisible, and the more I think about that, the angrier become.”

I validated her experience, adding that many women first note these societal attitudes when we are called ‘ma’am’ or offered a seat on a bus. We perceive different treatment in restaurants and stores. We see other women our age in the media only if they’re selling skin cream or step-in tubs, symbols of withering and helplessness.

Then we looked in the mirror. The woman looking back at us has indeed faded. Skin grows loose, hair pale, and body soft.

“And I’m seen as sexless,” she complained.

“The older I’ve gotten, the better I am at sex. Sure, I sometimes need to apply extra cream or lube before any sex that involves penetration, but I’ve learned how to show up for sex. I know what I like and how to ask for it and my partner responds languidly and perceptively. It wasn’t like that in the beginning— our sexual confidence and power were earned! Neither of us had the information we needed early on. It was only with time and practice that we knew each other well enough to become really great lovers, to learn how to be truly intimate”.

“You’re so right,” I agreed. “It’s difficult enough for women to resist society’s disapproval of our sexuality, called slut shaming. We’re supposed to be sexy, but not sexual. When we layer on the attitude that we’re not sexually interesting–or interested–because we’re older, it makes maintaining our sexual identity that much harder. And when you’re actually feeling smokin’ hot, it’s frustrating and maddening.”

My client is not alone in her lament. Older couples enjoy their sexual proficiency, and research (Kleinplatz) proves this is so. Long term loving couples report that sex just keeps getting better and better.

Still, the loss of public recognition of us as sexually potent women robs of us of an important part of our identity, our self esteem. Our grief about this loss is denied publicly. If we complain about losing the elasticity in our skin, or those intractable five kilos added with menopause, we’ll be told we look just fine “for our age.” Does no one understand our sorrow?

It is difficult to change, to age, to watch one’s vitality ebb. We need confirmation of this transition, acknowledgement of our grief at losing what was and accepting what is now.

“Yes,” she nodded. “Like everyone else, I grieve the loss of my youth.  And I suppose my frustration at being seeing differently won’t change cultural norms. I’m glad to know the belief that sex evaporates when wrinkles arrive is false. I want great sex till I die. I suppose I should start seeing every new wrinkle as an indicator of all the great sex I’m having!”

The session ended with a recap: although society doesn’t acknowledge that, with age, sex grows ripe and full, this lack of recognition is surely outweighed by sexual satisfaction grown only with time and practice. In all, it’s not such a bad trade. I also explained to her the importance of a good healthy life style and referred her to one of the best Life coach in Toronto to help her boost her self confidence.

Women out there sometimes do not know that they are aging, or are just ignoring it. As a woman, I hate aging because as you can see I am treated differently than before. Athough it is my mistake of not taking care of my skin and keeping myself as young as I can. For all the women who hates aging, there is a cosmetic dermatologist in denver that treats our skin and keeps us young.

 

 

Lesbian Fisting: Intensity and Intimacy

When a group of women friends get together over a meal, the conversation often turns to matters of sex. When those friends represent various numbers on the Kinsey scale (zero being entirely heterosexual and six referring to completely homosexual), those conversations take on a depth and complexity—and sometimes hilarity—not found in textbooks on female sexuality.

I was fortunate to be privy to one such exchange not long ago. We weren’t far into our discussion before I realized I was immersed in valuable information for my readers. I began to take mental notes.

When the topic of vaginal fisting arose, the lesbians at the table nodded knowingly while most of the straight women scratched their heads. We women, all with the same physiological anatomy, realized some fundamental differences in how we experience lovemaking. I found it all fascinating, as did they.

The heterosexual women wondered why the lesbian women were interested in fisting. They spent their energy trying to get their partners to focus on their clitoris and to pay perhaps less attention to their vagina. It seemed to them that sex was forever concentrated on something being put inside them and, though they enjoyed that aspect of their sexuality, more penetration felt, well, redundant.

They threw the question back to the lesbians.

The lesbians’ experience of lovemaking was quite different. The clitoris is queen between women, who understand and appreciate that the sole purpose of that glorious organ is to produce pleasure. Much time is spent tending to the clitoris. By the time penetration comes onstage, arousal is high and lubrication copious. Endorphins, the bonding chemicals, are surging. Both women are seeking and experiencing intimacy.

When the bottom, the receptive woman, opens her body to her lover’s fingers, she does so devoid of the stereotypical power imbalance inherent in male/female dynamics. No one needs to jostle for power as they are equal everywhere except in this delicious act of penetrator and receiver. The opening up is simultaneously erotic and boundary-breaking. The act of penetrating personal and powerful. What could be more intimate than holding your hand inside your lover’s body? Or containing your lover’s hand inside your own?

Fisting takes practice. It requires relaxation, muscle control and great trust in your partner. It is very intense, which is another part of its attraction. Sex that includes fisting is memorable sex, notable sex. It is the kind of sex that forms a bond between women, tells a story between them that they never forget.

One woman said she “finally felt close enough”. Another described fisting as “the epitome of intimacy”. Yet another defined it as “the quintessence of lovemaking”.

At this point some of the straight women shared that they, too, enjoyed fisting, and also enjoyed quite egalitarian relationships with their male lovers. Some of the women-identified women added that they weren’t into fisting at all.

We simply don’t fit into neat little boxes when it comes to sex. We are as individual as fingerprints. Still, we can learn from the stories we hear when we put our feet under our friends’ kitchen tables and share our experiences about what turns us on.

Intimate and intense. Has a lot going for it.

Low Self Confidence? Here’s Help

Do you suspect that if only you had more self-confidence, you’d be able to make your life work better? Chances are you’re right! The primary tools for effecting change are believing in 1) our ability to make it happen and 2) our right to happiness. Power and entitlement. Those are the ingredients of self-confidence. Self-confidence fluctuates with our circumstances. When we’re happy, we feel strong and effective. Blue? Not so much. Do not, however, think that it just happens tous. We have control over how we respond to the world, and the stronger our self-confidence, the better we fare, regardless the situation. How do we build self-confidence? There are five components of self-confidence, all of which interlace and build upon one another. They form a sort of circle, or perhaps an ever-ascending spiral. If we were to draw it, it might look like this: Self Confidence Cycle Graphic   The great thing about this tool is that you can get on anywhere. You only need to start somewhere and the process of improving your self-confidence has begun. Let’s say you begin with Acceptance of Personal Rights. Think about what that means, do an internet search, seek out books relating to that topic (librarians are great help here). Whatever you do, you’ll find that as you accept and internalize your own personal rights, you’ll find yourself… Behaving more assertively. And now you’ve quite smoothly moved on to the next phase of becoming self-confident. As you act assertively out there in your world, you ‘naturally’ begin to take better care of yourself, and so on, and so on… Remember, though, that you must commit to the momentum of the process to keep it going. As with any other change, our old behaviours resist and our new ways of being need reinforcement to feel natural. Also, this simple graphic lacks the robust explanations it deserves. Each step benefits from suggestions, recommendations, exercises and discussion. All that is available through brief therapy, which can focus on building self-confidence, tailored to your specific situation. Whatever methods you choose, do work on building your self-confidence. It’s that unmistakeable inner glow that looks so darned good on all of us!

First Time Lesbian Sex

Dear Dr Ren,

I’ve always dated men, and happily so. I like sex with men, we would always get together to watch spankbang. But recently I watched some lesbian porn that really turned me on. I would like to find out what sex with another woman would be like, but I’m not interested in adopting a lesbian lifestyle. To know more how to last longer in bed by SecretsToLastingLonger.com, here you will get the all important review.

Curious

restful bedroomDear Curious,

You are what we describe as “bi-curious.” Though you are not actually questioning your heterosexual orientation, you would like to experiment with what sex with a woman feels like. This is common, especially as our culture is becoming more tolerant of sexual experimentation. Recent research, notably by Meston and Diamond, validates the fluidity of women’s erotic arousal targets throughout their lifespans.

With access to internet dating, realizing our fantasies can be a reality fairly easily. Remember that the majority of lesbian porn is still made by men, for men. The sex you are likely watching would not approximate your real life experience. To see how lesbian sex is in real life, seek out erotica made by and for lesbians. For better Amateur Porno do visit us,you will get the good stuff here.

How will sex with another woman be different?

First of all, there will be a lot more talking, and sex will take hours. Women tend to put emphasis on different aspects of sex. You will likely discover a more languid pace. Penetration is not a given. Dominant and submissive roles are not based on sex-role stereotyping, so initiation and flirtation must be shared or at least negotiated on some level.

Your emotions, too, will need to be managed. Sex with someone new is captivating, and the cascade of endorphins you’ll enjoy will feel a whole lot like falling in love. To avoid appropriately hurt feelings, you’ll need to stay aware.

Choose your partners carefully. Be clear with your intentions. Nobody wants to be a science experiment.

Once you’ve contemplated these factors and are ready to try dating, consider seeking bi-sexual women rather than those who identify as lesbian. The advantages are:

  • Bisexual women will better understand your primary identification as a straight woman. Many of them will share your diversity of attraction.
  • Bisexual women have a comfort with the bodies of both men and women, and what sex with same and divergent sex parts is like.
  • Identify yourself clearly as bisexual seeking an experience. This alerts lesbian women looking for another woman who DOES live the lifestyle.

If you want to proceed to finding a suitable date for this new adventure, see  http://www.smartsextalk.com/im-bi-curious/.

Does this make you a lesbian?

You tell me you are curious about sex with a woman, but don’t want to adopt a lesbian lifestyle. There’s not one model, you know.

In other words, be willing to change your plans. Sex is mightily powerful, and so is friendship, and sex between women involves both specially when you are using a Strap On with your partner. If you find yourself happy and content with a woman you intended to be solely an experiment, be prepared to change course. It is always your choice.

Don’t let these considerations to deter you from indulging your curiosity. Indeed, it is repressing our eroticisms that torments us and our lovers far more greatly than those we realize. Still, these are not mathematical equations you are trying to solve. Expecting this to go smoothly is unrealistic.

Be brave, be adventuresome, and get yourself a kinky bitch if you want some serious fun. Immerse yourself in the heady intoxication of discovering something about yourself that you didn’t know beforehand. It will leave you smiling.