Hot Topics Volume 2, Issue 8: August 2003

Welcome to the latest issue of Hot Topics, the newsletter from www.smartsextalk.com.

We invite you to send your suggestions, your questions, and your comments to us at editor@smartsextalk.com.

**Please note: Let us know whether or not you want your mail to be published. We will NEVER publish your mail or identity without your permission. You may send mail anonymously, but if you do not wish it to be reprinted, you must say so. We want you to feel safe to write - please address any questions about our confidentiality policies to editor@smartsextalk.com.

In This Issue:

Letter From the Editor: New Site/ Happy Pride Day!
News
Q & A: Am I Gay?
Humour
Quote of the Month

Letter From the Editor

Well, I've been busy! This month I have completely revamped the site. In fact, the site is no longer www.DrPegaRen.com... Check out the new and improved site, www.smartsextalk.com! Don't worry - you will be able to find all of the information that was available before, and some new information, but easier and with more style! Make sure you change your bookmarks to www.smartsextalk.com. Of course, I will be following these changes up with the HTML newsletter you've all been asking for...Look for it next month!

In other news, Happy Gay Pride Day, Vancouver! This August long weekend promises to be one of the biggest and best Pride celebrations in recent memory, what with the latest civil rights struggle - same-sex marriage - conveniently charging towards a resolution just in time for Pride week. Also, for the first time, Vancouver
will host an outdoor market and beer garden. While this event pales next to the making of civil rights history, it is notable in that it signifies the institutionalization of Pride celebrations in this city. Toronto has been closing off great blocks of the downtown core for three days at a time to allow for an all-out street party
for years. It's about time Vancouver followed suit!

As always, I would be thrilled to hear your feedback on this newsletter, or the new site! I hope to hear from you soon,

~Editor

News

WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT

Just days after Tom Graff and Antony Porcino became the first gay couple to become legally wed, I was in my favourite coffee shop and ran into two long-time lesbian friends. Talk turned quickly to gay marriage and I was thrilled to hear that they, too, are getting married in a few short weeks - as soon as they can gather their friends and family. You can take a peek at the happy couple at their website. Wedding photos will be posted after the big day on 17 August.

Let me take this opportunity to congratulate ALL the couples who exercise their newly-won right to make public and legal their love and commitment to each other. For those of you who are considering taking this momentous step, you can find information on the how-tos at the following site: www.gayvancouver.bc.ca/marriage.htm

Here's to love!

AND

As some of you may already know, Dr. Ren has been supporting Little Sister's Book Store, as an expert witness, in their legal struggle in the Supreme Court of Canada, against Canada Customs. The trial is scheduled for January of 2004. In the meantime, Pega will be marching in the Little Sisters kazoo band during Vancouver's Pride Parade on Sunday, 2 August. Come out and show your support!

Not aquainted with the case? Go here to learn all about it.

Q & A: Am I Gay?

Whether we call it orientation, sexual preference (which assumes we have choice), or perversion (which assumes we have judgments), the topic of whom we love can cause great emotional turmoil.

The following echos a question I am asked commonly. All identifying information has been changed.

Dear Dr Ren,
I am a 16-year-old male. Recently another guy in my class hugged me and told me that I am really a girl. I know that's stupid, but I still became confused, tense, and depressed. Now I am not feeling excited thinking about women the way I did before. Honestly, I liked it when he hugged me, but I don't feel like I'm a girl. I am really anxious about all of this.
Am I gay?

Confused

Dear Confused,

I can't tell you whether or not you are gay. I don't have enough information, and neither do you. You are only sixteen and, though some of us are aware of our orientation earlier than that, most find it takes us a while in the dating scene to determine the sorts of people that attract us. This refers not only to their gender (male or female) but to their personalities, physical characteristics, and other qualities and attributes we can't know until we get to know someone a bit.

Of course it felt good to have your friend hug you. His remark about your being a girl was his confusion that if he liked hugging you, you must be feminine (so he wouldn't feel gay himself - we learn to fear alternative sexualities before we learn the facts). This is just his ignorance, and he will figure this out as he gets more experience. You may sometimes feel drawn to women and other times to men. Adolescence is a time for learning all sorts of things about yourself, including your sexual orientation. You may be gay; you may not. It doesn't really matter. What does matter is that you learn to treat others with compassion, patience, and respect. This will help you to form meaningful, happy bonds with whomever you choose to love. The physical plumbing, when all's said and done, is really pretty irrelevant.

Relax and enjoy this exciting transition period as you grow from child into adult. The answers you are seeking will come to you. Moreover, whatever answers you learn about yourself, they'll be just right for you.

Sincerely,

Dr. Ren

Humour

The Lone Ranger is ambushed and captured by an Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief says, "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen carefully, you idiot, for the last time, I said, "Bring Posse!"

Quote of the Month

"Deliberate with caution, but act with decision; and yield with graciousness, or oppose with firmness."

~ Charles Caleb Colton

Copyright 2003. Dr. Pega Ren. All Rights Reserved.