How to Find a Bi-Curious Lover

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All your life you’ve dated men, and now you find yourself curious about what sex with another woman would be like. How do you begin? Where do you go?

Focus on what appeals to you

What is it about sex with another woman that now appeals to you? Is it the allure of making love with a body that is soft and curvy like yours is? Are you drawn to the notion that lesbian sex involves lots of oral sex and little demand for penetration? Do you have any idea whether that is true? Do you imagine that sex between two women would be somehow softer or less demanding, or be more trust-worthy, or involve fewer games?

Do you identify as more Butch or femme? Is this an important consideration for you in seeking a date? Do you want to find someone who leads the action, or would you prefer to take that role?

Sex between women is as varied as sex between any other two individuals. Some generalized differences are that sex will involve lots more talking and a slower, more languid pace. But each encounter is negotiated either verbally or silently as both lovers initiate and respond to the momentum of desire.

Where Do You Go to Find A Date?

Who appeals to you? Whom do you know that is familiar with or identifies already as a bisexual woman? Let those friends know you are considering dating another woman and share with them your preferences. Ask for invitations to group activities and social functions.  And of course there are always Personals ads.

Preparing a Personals Ad

Before you write that Personals ad, examine which of your beliefs is accurate and which is not. Read some books by and about bisexual women’s first time sexual experiences with women. Talk with other women who share this experience. Educate yourself about the specific safer sex considerations lesbian women consider that may be the same or different from their heterosexual sisters.

Find a recent picture that portrays you accurately and positively. Write and rewrite your ad to make sure it is catchy but truthful. After reading a number of ads, you’ll get a feel for what goes. Don’t forget to mention not only who you  are, but also what sort of person and experience you are seeking. Be clear.

There are a number of sites that cater to women seeking women, and some that allow a distinction between lesbian and bisexual women. You want to join a site that is sex-positive and bisexual-friendly, such as or Look for others and determine which sites best suit your needs.

With a bit of reading, discussing, searching and writing, you’re ready to embark on a brand new sexual experience. Enjoy yourself!