MARRIAGE FOR ALL CANADIANS

On Marriage for All Canadians

At the beginning of May, the British Columbia Supreme Court overturned a previous ruling by an appeals court regarding same sex marriage restrictions. The unanimous decision echoes those of the Supreme Courts of both Ontario and Quebec. Effectively, this means that all of us can choose to marry if we wish, regardless of gender or orientation. This makes Canada one of only three countries in the world to adopt such humanitarian and logical legislation, along with Belgium and the Netherlands.

Marriage is a relatively new concept, only a few hundred years old, and designed to protect the inheritance trail of wealthy landowners; romance had little to do with it. The original reasons for marriage have long since deteriorated and been transformed into a social statement of love and commitment. Our government offers tax incentives to those who choose to sign on, and community property laws offers some protection for wives and children. Even so, marriage is now a business (a multi-million dollar business!) and a social tradition that endures despite the objections raised by feminists during the sexual revolution of the sixties and an ever-growing acceptance of living together without benefit of legal approval.

For homosexuals who long to make public their mutual dreams of life together, this legislation validates their wishes. No longer denied the rights of others, gays and lesbians can now choose whether to marry. This marks another important step away from the shame and fear associated with being inside the closet and outside the realm of acceptability. Surely, this is reason to celebrate!

The new ruling has been effected in practical terms, and lesbians and gays are marrying legally. Let’s contemplate the societal spin-off effects of these changes. When a heterosexual couple argue and the woman turns to her friends and family for solace and support, she is generally advised to cool off, pick her battles, and figure out how best to resolve the problem. She is reminded that she made a promise to stick it out “for better or for worse.” Her community’s expectation is that the marriage will survive and endure, and this in turn supports the couple in resolving their conflict. Husbands, likewise, are reminded of their commitment and responsibility and return home to smooth out the wrinkle. The expectation of continuity is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

On the other hand, when gay and lesbian couples experience discord, they hear quite different messages. Gay couples are ‘expected’ to dissolve, often attributed to their ‘promiscuous’ lifestyles (another false stereotype, but nonetheless a powerful influence). Lesbian jokes abound about the ‘standard’ two and a half year relationship (one year of honeymoon, another of domestic stability followed by six months of unravelling prior to separation). These messages are subtle yet influential, and undermine the longevity of same-sex unions. Though most of us know many, many long-term married heterosexual couples, few can boast the same among our homosexual friends.

Love is difficult to find and even more so to sustain and nurture. Lesbians and gays know full well the lack of social supports others enjoy in enduring the inevitable strains of living together. This legislation will provide an important link to community backing. It will, as well, protect children and guarantee the rights and responsibilities heretofore taken for granted by heterosexuals. No longer must couples fear losing property to obscure blood relatives (as witnessed in If These Walls Could Talk 2), or worry about how medical staff will respond to a mate’s directives about life-threatening crises (ER addressed this issue in a heartbreaking episode). In other words, lesbians and gays will be treated pretty much like everyone else.

Religious adherents and other conservative thinkers will object to this legislation. We must weigh their arguments about their perceived threat to the family, and we will eventually need redefine the term. ‘Family’ will come to mean those who love and protect one another, who support and nourish their bond, and who identify as a small group within a larger community. Come to think of it, isn’t that already a working definition? Let’s embrace all those who come together in love and kindness, companionship and care, and welcome everyone who chooses to celebrate publicly such society-sustaining values.

Kudos to our courts! The law often lags much farther behind in reflecting society’s values. Truly, this decision signals a reason for all of us to be proud, regardless of the gender of the people we love.

To see a further discussion on this topic, read Gay Marriage.

© 2004. Pega Ren, Ed.D. All Rights Reserved.