| If
you are out of touch with your lover’s body, or
with your own, this experience may well feel embarrassing
and awkward. Just accept that this will be so for most
of us, and push through it. The rewards are worth it.
Here’s the plan:
1) Decide your roles:
One person is the do-er tonight; the other the do-ee.
Next time you switch.
2) Set the stage:
Begin by designing an environment in which intimacy
can thrive. Remove distractions (phones, pagers, kids,
TVs) and set aside a few hours to luxuriate in each
other. Choose your mood music, light candles and incense,
turn up the thermostat so the room stays comfortably
warm. Heat some cocoanut oil (greaseless, stainless,
inexpensive, and slippery) or massage
oil and cover the bed with flannel-backed
rubber sheeting (available where baby supplies are sold)
or an extra sheet so you needn’t fret about housekeeping.
Look around. Have you created sensual surroundings?
3) The Bath:
Gather your supplies together. You’ll find a plethora
of treats at the dollar store and the drug store. Collect
sponges, pumice stones, soft net scrubbers, brushes,
soft (and scratchy) cloths….anything that imparts
a tactile sensation to the skin. Don’t forget
scented bath bombs, oils, and bubble baths. Collect
the bath towels and your lover’s robe and pop
them into the dryer to heat.
Begin by bringing your lover into the bathroom, where
all is prepared, and tell them how happy you are to
be indulging them (and yourself) in this sensuous experience.S-l-o-w-l-y
undress the do-ee, appreciating each newly revealed
bit of skin. Bury your nose in neck hollows, trace the
line from chin to navel, cup the buttocks, stroke shins…
Resist conversation—just coo.
Now help your lover into the tub and bathe them caressingly,
paying attention to each body part. Be responsive to
feedback, and try different sensations and toys as you
move along. Think ‘romantic’ (watch the
shampoo scene from Out of Africa for inspiration). Move
slowly. Observe how you feel.
When you’re done (you’ll know), leave your
mate to shower off while you fetch the towels and robe.
Enfold your swooning lover in the warm cloth and lead
them to the already-prepared bedroom.
4) Massage:
You are now ready for the massage portion
of the evening. Settle your lover on the bed and anoint
them with the warm oil. Feel your own skin slide over
theirs and revel in the communication between your bodies.
Memorize the geography of this body before you, reading
by Braille the nuances of folds and hollows. Surrender
to the sensuality of it all. Do all body parts. Do not
skip…or concentrate…anyplace specific. Attend
to genitals as well as elbows, and accept erections
as a natural reaction to such intense pleasure. You
may tarry at these delightful junctures, but remember
that orgasm is not the point. Keep your caresses gentle
and tactile.
When the first side’s done,
roll your partner over and do the other one. By this
time expect them to be a jelly-like mass of low moans
and satisfied smiles. Make sure they are comfortable
while you disassemble the room—extinguish candles,
close the music, lower the thermostat, and undress yourself.
Roll the extra sheeting off the bed and climb in behind
your lover, like spoons nesting in a drawer. Place one
hand on their chest and match your breathing to theirs.
This ‘mirrored breathing’ is one of the
most simple and intimate of gestures. Give yourself
over to the sensations of togetherness and mutual comfort
and drift off to sleep together.
That’s it, folks. With these
simple steps you can create an atmosphere in which resentment,
hostility, and worry cannot flourish. It is enormously
healing for estranged but loving pairs. Give it a try
this Valentine’s Day, and whenever you feel the
need for a dose of pampering and intimate connection.
Featured Toy: Valentine's Day
Basket
With only days till we celebrate our annual tribute
to romantic love, Valentine’s Day, I have
put together a gift basket of articles to set
the tone for a delightful evening of tactile sensation
and sensual experience.
This is a do-it-yourself kit….you decide
what works for you, and I’ll supply you
with my best picks from the Internet. Please read
my column this month, Some Enchanted Evening,
for suggestions about materials you can find locally
to enhance your evening, and think about ordering
these special treats to tuck into your basket
of love.
First are the Hot Hearts, which
I found at last weekend's Everything To Do With
Sex  Show.
Press the small round silver 'coin' inside the
hard plastic heart and, presto!, Hot
Hearts become soft, warm, and pliable....and
stay that way for about fifteen minutes. Imagine
resting a set on your lover's breasts or buttocks
while you stroke other enchanting bits...divine.
Indefinitely reusable, and inexpensive at $24.95
CDN per pair, they can be used during your sensual
massage as well as during foreplay on a night
when orgasm is very much the point!
Next comes the Flipper
Flicker a treat you’ll undoubtedly
use for many fun romps.
And finally, tuck an Erotikon
Kare Kit into the basket. Small enough
to slip into a purse or jacket pocket, you can
surprise your Valentine with a silent seduction
by offering this as a tease at evening’s
beginning. Or you could tuck it into their briefcase
or lunch bag to signal that tonight’s the
night for an enchanted evening.
Be outrageous! Flirt! Succumb to sensuous magic
and indulge in the spirit of Valentine’s
Day with such enthusiasm that it keeps your mojo
running for weeks to come!
PS: Don’t forget candy and flowers. They
may be trite, but who would resist a sweet after
a bath or the thrill of red flowers gracing the
breakfast table after a night of love? Experiment,
indulge, celebrate!!
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News Byte: Politics and pharmaceuticals: poor
bedfellows.
Excerpt from an article by Cara Gardner, The
Inlander, Spokane, Washington, January 6,
2004
A new form of effective birth control
is now available.
"The most controversial aspect
of this birth control? It's for men.
What's more, even
though it's considered one of the safest, most
effective forms of contraception available, most
men will never have access to it - including American
men.
The injection is
called Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under Guidance
(RISUG, pronounced RICE-ugh). It was developed
by professor Sujoy K. Guha, an Indian researcher
of biomedical engineering at the Indian Institute
of Technology. Guha has tested RISUG on men for
more than 25 years with successful results. His
research has drawn praise from the World Health
Organization, as well as doctors from around the
world. Pharmaceutical companies in India and Egypt
are vying to buy RISUG, and, if all continues
well with Guha's research, RISUG will be available
on the Indian market sometime within the next
few years.
"RISUG is the
most effective and advanced technology we've had
in 40 years," says Ronald Weiss, an assistant
professor of medicine at the University of Ottawa,
Canada. Weiss focuses his family practice on male
health and has traveled to India to see the research
on RISUG for himself. RISUG is an injection of
two chemicals into the vas deferens, the place
where sperm leaves the testicles. The whole procedure
is less invasive, causes fewer complications and
promises to be easily reversible as compared with
vasectomy or rubber plug devices (other currently
used methods of male contraception).
The entire procedure
is virtually painless and becomes effective within
one hour of injection. There are no known side
effects, aside from slight swelling immediately
after the injection. Guha reports some of his
test subjects were sexually active on the same
day they received the injection. None of the men
who has tested RISUG has gotten a woman pregnant."
So why not
mass availability? Because pharmaceutical companies
would lose one of their biggest cash cows-women,
who spend billions annually on contraceptives.
So pharmaceutical lobbyists stall FDA testing
and approval. No approval? No accessibility. Politics
in the bedroom. Tsk-tsk.
|
Humour
Sister Mary Katherine entered
the Monastery of Silence. The priest said, "Sister,
this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as
long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct
you to do so."
Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery
for 5 years before the priest said to her, "Sister
Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You
may speak two words."
Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard
bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that," the
priest said.. "We will get you a better bed."
After another 5 years, the priest called
Sister Mary Katherine. "You may say another two
words, Sister Mary Katherine."
"Cold food," said Sister Mary
Katherine, and the priest assured her that the food
would be better in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery,
the priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his
office. "You may say two words today."
"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.
"It's probably best," said the priest. "You've
done nothing but bitch since you got here."
Quote of the Month
"War does not determine
who is right; war determines who is left."
~ anonymous
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