Movie Review: March of the Penguins

I realize it may seem odd that I would choose a documentary about penguins as my pick of the month, but this film struck me as notable on so many levels that I opted to include it.

In this impressive documentary, filmmaker Luc Jacquet follows emperor penguins as they make an annual journey across the Antarctic. This is no ordinary journey, mind you…these hundreds of penguins waddle seventy miles back and forth, several times, from the sea to the relative sanctuary of an icy plateau to mate, lay their single egg, and incubate the little ones until they, too, can march back to the sea. This exhausting feat is impressive enough without figuring in the weather, which is bitterly cold on a good day!

The courtship and mating rituals of penguins are central to the story. They are, for instance, monogamous, but only for the season. Next year, everybody's single all over again. Childcare duties? Well, those are odd, too. Though the female gestates and lays the egg, she soon passes it to her hovering and attentive mate, who coddles the egg between his feet and a furry flap of skin hanging from his belly. Then off she goes, seventy miles back to the sea to feed, hungry as she is from her maternal duty. The daddies eventually trek back to the sea, too, but not until after the mommas return to take over the care of the hatchlings. It is simply remarkable.

The film itself is dazzling visually. I'm sorry I missed it at IMAX, and certainly recommend as big a screen as possible to view this magnificent story about the inexorable need we feel to couple, to mate, and to reproduce. Though the film features only the penguins, I felt reconnected to my own human family after witnessing these gentle creatures honouring the ancient call to do whatever is necessary to create and protect their young.

Case Study: Brief Therapy is Sometimes Enough

Sometimes it can take an agonizingly long time to make changes in our lives. Sometimes it can happen quickly and easily. Sex therapy addresses both chronic, habitual issues and those that require little more than the correct information at the appropriate time. This month's Hot Topic relates the case of a woman whose presenting problem, though long term, was quickly remedied.

Amy came to see me upset because she could not have an orgasm if her lover was in the room. She had no difficulty achieving orgasm through masturbation and reported rich and effective fantasies. She described her relationship of two years as fulfilling and exciting. She and her lover matched well regarding desire and interests and enjoyed spending time together. With all these attributes on board, why was she unable to orgasm with her partner?

Amy had trained as a dancer in her youth, but let that activity slide during University when studies required her complete attention. Later, she earned her Master's degree, launching her satisfying career that demanded much time as well. Now, she lamented, she danced only while cleaning house. She told me how her body had changed in tone and strength. Though she was still height and weight proportional, she felt her body did not quite measure up. I asked how that translated into behaviour in the bedroom, and her answer did not surprise me. She hesitated to initiate sex, waiting to regain her dancer's body before being so bold. When her lover approached her, she spent considerable time setting up the environment with candlelight and titillating (but not revealing) lingerie. During sex she concentrated on holding in her stomach and "not making too much of a scene" so as not to draw her partner's attention to herself. That would divert her attention from the sensations in her body, and sex became a theatre piece in which she reluctantly played the starring role. I asked Amy if she had told her partner how she felt. She had not.

I normalized Amy's fears, explaining that we are ALL victims of a culture that reveres beauty but abhors vanity. Thus we can never win! If we celebrate our beauty, we are accused of conceit; if we do not, we feel inadequate. This affects us all, and especially so when we are naked. I implored Amy to rethink her position on her body image and asked her how she judged her lover's quite expressive sexual behaviour. She loved that, but had not considered that she could be appreciated the same way. She began to see the foolishness of holding on to a belief system that negatively affected her sex life.

Then I suggested a very simple solution: that she set the bedroom scene as usual, and then blindfold her sweetheart, enabling her to watch (and enjoy) his responses while shielding her from his gaze. She said she was willing to try this, but doubted it could reverse such a well-established pattern.

About two weeks later, I received an email from Amy. She was crowing. She had thrilled to the combination of power and safety, which led her to share her fears with her partner, who in turn praised her new verbal candour and sexual abandon. They were enjoying openness unknown to them beforehand, and Amy boasted that she now no longer needs anyone's eyes shielded. Once she accepted and honoured her body, she relaxed and became present during sex. Orgasm effortlessly flowed from the encounters.

Not all sexual problems are so easily resolved (though many are). Amy was ready to examine her sexual beliefs and willing to risk changing her behaviour. A new perspective and a little courage were really all she needed to renounce a pattern that constricted her and to adopt a new one that celebrates pleasure. Sometimes that's all any of us needs.

© Pega Ren. 2005. All Rights Reserved.

Product of the Month: Forget-me-not Panties

Thank you to subscriber who sent this link. Initially Dr. Ren wanted to write about it, aghast that a product such as this would exist, and sell out. We researched the site and learned that Forget-me-not Panties is the brainchild of "The Panty Raiders", who entered the Contagious Media Showdown, a contest sponsoered in part by Eyebeam, to create the most "buzz" through viral marketing. Learn more about Contagious Media, the Showdown, and Eyebeam.

EXCLUSIVE OFFER!

Toy of the Month: FeelDoe

That's right - last month's featured toy is back, and this time we're offering, in conjunction with our new affiliate Tickled Pink Toys, a 25% discount exclusively for Smart Sex Talk subscribers.

The remarkable FeelDoe is usually $119, but we're please to offer it for 25% off at only $89.25. There are only a limited quantity of these products in stock, so order fast to avoid disappointment!

And for those who want even MORE excitement, you can now buy the FeelDoe with an integral vibrator! Though I've not reviewed this one myself, my sources report it's a real thrill for the wearer. Note that a drop of lube makes the vibrating egg insert easily.

Either way, you can't go wrong investing in this fabulous new toy.