Volume 5, Issue 7, July 2006

Letter From the Editor

It's summer vacation time, and regular readers will remember that we take the month of August off. Please look for our next issue near the beginning of September, and have a great summer holiday!

~ Editor

Hot Topic: Pole Dancing for You
….and Your Lover

A few years ago pole dancing became a new fitness craze.  I’m not talking about what happens in strip clubs…that’s been popular for decades.  I mean housewives and working women who plugged into gym classes that combined cardiac and aerobic fitness exercise with the sensual moves of pole dancers.  Husbands and lovers cheered the fad.  Women who developed the physical stamina to lift and hold their body weight while adopting and maintaining erotic moves reported not only firmly toned bodies but rejuvenated sex lives. 

Predictably, pole-dancing-as-exercise quickly became a fad.  Soon its advocates were doing the talk show circuit, happy hubbies in tow, showing off their slim, toned bodies and sexually-sated smiles.  They knew how many calories a half hour of sex burned and how many chocolate covered strawberries added.  They gushed about how desirable they had become to the men in their lives.   Even Teri Hatcher of Desperate Housewives did a routine for America’s unconvinced women.  The message was clear:  if you pole dance, you will look great and your man will want you.

I was reminded of the issue recently while watching The King of Queens, one more sitcom about a working class couple, but rare in that Doug and Carrie actually enjoy sex.  In this episode, Carrie installs a pole in the bedroom and, despite lessons, lacks the sense of the erotic in her body.  Doug is a lusty fellow and is in a quandary—the ‘erotic’ dancing is wilting his lily.  Carrie is going through the motions but not the emotions.  Finally rotund yet sensual Doug asks Carrie to be the audience while he works the pole.  Though he can’t do the contortions of his tiny wife, he shows her how to offer his body, how to tease and seduce, and how to glory in the sensations of anticipation and erotic power…and he’s hot! 

I’m advocating pole dancing for everyone, whether literal or philosophical.  What successful erotic dancers know (and what Carrie and the talk show groupies were missing) is that a tight body and physical prowess may be the vehicle, but what drives the engine is the theatrics of seduction.  When we realize that an evening of bliss with our honey follows our dance of desire, we need only be at home in our body and with our sexuality to design an entertainment package of mutual pleasure. 

But there’s the rub, isn’t it?  The part about being at home in our body and with our sexuality.  I don’t know anyone who is comfortable—really comfortable—with their body, so ingrained is it that we can’t possibly measure up to impossible standards.   And of course if we believe we do we are chastised for our vanity.  So let’s consider it a given that we have body issues.  The pragmatic truth is that we can either wait to have fun with sex until we become tall, thin, young, and beautiful….or we can get over ourselves and have that fun now.  Our lovers already know (and want) our imperfect bodies, and we theirs.  Replacing the bashful hesitant routine with sensual abandon will reignite sparks of passion and reconstitute intimacy.  It’s a good deal.

Feeling comfortable with sexuality is an ongoing process.  We live in a culture  uneasy with sex.  We are simultaneously compelled and overwhelmed by its ever-present nature.  We are curious and ignorant and don’t know where to go for answers.  Pole dancing?  That requires some chutzpah!  You bet it does.  Dancing for our lover means owning our body and offering it willingly, by choice and with intent.  It reeks of animal desire.  We risk rejection.  Many women have little practice with this, but it’s good for us.  And when we shoot our lover a sultry look, lock eyes, and purr…when we slither our body over our partner’s in a manner that leaves no doubt as to our libidinous intentions…when we dance and spin and abandon our body to the thrill of desire and anticipation, then we will have captured the essence of what makes strip clubs the multimillion dollar industry they are.  And we can do that at home with someone we love who loves us in return.

We don’t have to have six pack abs or a size four body.  We don’t need a gym membership to a place with windows overlooking a busy street.  We don’t even need a pole.  We need a saucy attitude, some costumes, and overflowing desire.  Then we need to face our fears and dance our way to bliss.  We’ll feel liberated, and our mate will feel wanted. 

You’ll wonder why you ever waited.

Ed. Note: Interested in learning how to pole dance at home? Try Sheila Kelley's site, The S Factor!

© Pega Ren. 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Articles of the Month

As sexuality and even touching become more suspect, they will become more compelling as well, as can be seen played out in school yards.  File this under 'Tempest in teapot'.

Are your teenaged children "protected" from accurate sex information like that depicted in The Joy of Sex?  Check with your local library and defend your right to knowledge and free speech.

Plenty of news this month supporting the mania about erotophobia (fear of sexuality).  Seems sitting next to someone reading a naughty joke on a computer can give a worker the vapours sufficient to launch a lawsuit. 

An article recently published in the Times details new developments in the laws around lewd office emails and sexual harassment.

Last month we offered the Guttmacher Institute's research report on abortion and birth control in America.  This article addresses some of the specifics of real women's lives that report put into numbers.

As the media continue to whip us into a frenzy of fear about terrorism and sex while we remain complacent about real imminent dangers of pollution and governmental shortsightedness, this article addresses our all-too-common willingness to pillory our designated perverts while our children continue to be silently abused within our own homes.

Similar to lying to your parents that you're spending the night with your friend when you are really going out with your date, but on a much grander and more tragic scale, these Muslim gays are finding loopholes by which they can survive the pressure to marry in their Muslim culture.

It seems churches already gagging on having to deal with hated groups like gays and lesbians are now threatened with losing their tax-exempt status if they fail to be fair.  Keep an eye on this issue.  Money always speeds up an issue.

And sometimes problems are so systemic even the promise of money is ignored.

Aside from the bother of it all, new menstrual suppression options may offer answers for those dealing with PMS and other disorders associated with periods. 

Research of the Month

New research shows a link between migraine and increased libido.  So much for the headache excuse. 

Research suggests that British men rank poorly for satisfying sex lives.

See the results of this Canadian-funded study that helps prove the biological root of homosexuality, at least for men. Also, see this news piece on the study.

Good news!  Definitive research that consistent use of condoms stops transmission of the HPV virus.

More good news: There is a vaccine that protects against the HPV cancer-causing viruses.  Remember that regular condom use will protect you against those strains that the vaccine misses.

Call for Participants

This research is open to everyone, but will be of particular interest to those for whom the gender question is not easily answered with a binary response.  I encourage all SST readers to support sexuality research.  Especially in the United States, funding has been severely restricted in the past few years, making what knowledge we gain even more precious.

"Gender Variance: Towards a new model of gender identity development"
Consent Form

You are invited to participate in a research study. This study will explore the identities used in gender variant communities. Specifically, this study aims to explore how people make meaning of their experiences with gender, and how these experiences affect who they are today. You were selected to participate because gender is an important aspect of your development. We ask that you read this form and ask any questions you may have before agreeing to be in the study.

Background Information: Based on the information available, it is hard to understand who is transgender and what it means to be transgender. The purpose of this study is to gain a better understanding of what it means when we say "transgender."

Procedures: If you agree to be in this study, you will be asked to complete a survey. The survey is either in paper form or a web-based form. The survey should take about twenty minutes to complete. If you are taking the paper survey, there is a self addressed stamped envelope for you to anonymously return it to the principal investigator. The web-based survey is accessed by a web link that you may access at any time from any computer with internet access. The paper survey and the web link survey are identical in content. Each consists of questions about your gender identity and any important developmental milestones related to your formation of that identity.

Compensation: This study is voluntary. There is no compensation for your participation in this study.

Risks and Benefits of Being in the Study: We do not anticipate any risks for you participating in this study.

There are no direct benefits to participating in this study. However, often people feel good when they have an opportunity to share parts of their life history with others. Also, because gender variant individuals are not well-represented in research literature and generally misunderstood in society, you may be pleased that the public will benefit from your participation in this study. Your ideas will help us better understand transgender identities and identity development.

Voluntary Nature of Participation: Your decision whether or not to participate will not affect your current or future relations with your health center, community center, resource group, or other cooperating entities. You may skip any question on the survey that you do not want to answer. If you decide to participate, you may withdraw from the study at any time without penalty. Your consent to participate is implied by your completing and submitting the survey.

Confidentiality: The survey records of this study will be kept private. Paper surveys will be kept in a locked storage file that is only available to the principal investigator and faculty supervisor. Your name will not be recorded at any time. To ensure your confidentiality online, the web-based survey is accessed online from a hyperlink to Cornell University's secure survey site. Also, all web-based data will be maintained via Cornell University's secure server and kept in password-protected files available only to the research team and the faculty supervisor.

Contacts and Questions: If you have any questions, comments, or concerns regarding this study or your participation in this study, you may contact the principal investigator conducting this study, Tamara Pardo, by email at TBP3@cornell.edu. Please ask any questions you have prior to your entering into the study. If you have questions later, you may contact either Tamara Pardo by email or by regular mail at Cornell University, Martha Van Rensselaer Hall, Ithaca , NY 14853. The faculty supervisor on this project is Dr. Ritch Savin-Williams. You may also contact him for further information about the study at rcs15@cornell.edu. If you have any questions about your rights as a research participant, please contact the University Committee on Human Subjects (UCHS) at uchs-mailbox@cornell.edu or by phone at 607-255-5138, or access their website at: http://www.osp.cornell.edu/Compliance/UCHS/homepageUCHS.htm.

You will be given a copy of this form to keep for your records.

This consent form will be kept by the researcher for at least three years beyond the end of the study. This study was approved by the UCHS on May 23, 2006.

Survey URL: http://atcdb.cit.cornell.edu/survey//wsb.dll/tbp3/naming-summer2006b.htm
If you have any trouble with the URL, please copy and paste into a new browser window.
If you are still having difficulty connecting to the link, please contact Tamara at TBP3@cornell.edu right away. Thank you!


Tamara B. Pardo, AB
Doctoral Graduate Student
Developmental Psychology
Cornell University
Ithaca, NY
Snail Mail:
407 Lake St. #B24
Ithaca, NY 14850
Phone: 919-452-3774
email-H: tamara.pardo@gmail.com
email-W: TBP3@cornell.edu
Webpage: www.people.cornell.edu/pages/TBP3

~

Study of lesbian and bisexual women's sexual well-being

We are a lesbian/bisexual-affirmative research team conducting a study of sexual-minority (i.e., non-heterosexual) women's sexual well-being. Sexuality is an important part of relationships and overall well-being. However, there has been very little research that has looked at the sexual experiences of lesbian, bisexual, and other sexual-minority women. In particular, researchers have not examined how some of the stresses that are unique to lesbian/bisexual women--stresses associated with homophobia, heterosexism, and sexism--affect their sexual well-being; nor have they looked at how lesbian/bisexual women cope with these stresses.

Yet it is important that sexual-minority women have access to accurate and lesbian/bisexual-affirmative information about the sexual well-being of the women in their communities.

If you are a woman who is at least 18 years of age and currently in a same-sex relationship of at least 3 months duration, we would appreciate your participation in an anonymous online survey. 

The survey takes approximately 40 minutes, but does not have to be completed in one sitting. Participants will have the opportunity to win one of three $100 (CDN) cash prizes and receive an e-mail summary of the results.

To participate or learn more, please go to: www.unbstudy.com

This study has been approved by the Research Ethics Board at the University of New Brunswick in Fredericton, NB, Canada (REB # 2005-148).

Thank you for your help!

Jacquie Cohen, Ph.D. Student (jacqueline.cohen@unb.ca)

Dr. Sandra Byers, Professor of Psychology (byers@unb.ca)

DVD of the Month: Crash Pad

Smart Sex Talk affiliate Libida.com asked me to review a few erotic DVDs they were considering for their store.  Though most were predictable, one stood out as an example of excellence in its genre.  Below is my review, reprinted from their site.

I could recount the various scenes of this film for you, but that would ruin the surprises of this unique piece of erotic art. This is hot lesbian porn clearly made by and for lesbians. Though the sound quality is not great, it’s not distracting either. The camera work is superb, moving from fixing the viewer in the environment to establishing the relationship between or among the players to getting right in there to the pussy shots with equal finesse. All the women are of a type: pierced, punky, young, and tattooed, yet they are all believable and individual, as are their relationships. Some use safe sex techniques while others don’t, suggesting different fluid-bonding rules between various partners.

There’s nothing formulaic about these scenes! We have bois on bois, Butches with femmes, three ways with a happy voyeur, and a masturbation scene with a woman with a slow hand and eyes that seduce the camera. There’s even a scene with female ejaculation the way it really works between women.

Buy The Crash Pad at Libida.com


Site of the Month: beautifulagony.com

A few months ago Smart Sex Talk featured Orgasm: The Faces of Ecstacy  as our DVD of the month.  Now some enterprising young folk have put a spin on this good idea and launched a website where volunteers get off below a personal webcam.  Just as with the DVD, it's all head and shoulders shots, and equally compelling.  Check out www.beautifulagony.com.  Goes well with this month's Hot Topic, eh?

Humour

Take this quiz so the next time someone accuses you of not knowing your arse from your elbow, you'll know if they're right or not.   

More sexy advertising, this time from Danier Leather.

This one will make you laugh at many of your stereotypes. 

Quotes

"A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience."
~ Doug Larson

"Men marry believing their wives will never change. Women marry believing their husbands will. They're both wrong."
~ Anonymous
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© 2005. Pega Ren, Ed.D. All Rights Reserved.