Volume
5, Issue 11, December 2006
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Hot
Topic: Preventing
Premature Ejaculation:
Tales for Tots |
PE, or premature ejaculation, affects
almost one quarter of men. It batters their
self-confidence and plays havoc with their
sexual relationships. Many men suffer their
whole lives with this affliction, trying
unsuccessfully to control the timing of
their ejaculations and apologizing to their
mates for their failure as lovers. Their
women, at first understanding and forgiving,
eventually lose patience and withdraw sexually.
Many marriages fail under the weight of
this burden. The defeated husbands leave
knowing they take this shame with them
to their next relationship and the cycle
continues anew.
It begins years earlier,
when we as mothers slap away our son’s hands fondling
his penis and tell him “No.” We
reinforce it when we punish him for playing
doctor. We cement it when we supply him
with no information and little privacy
and socially condemn masturbation as a
violation.
What is he to do, this pubescent lad coursing
with hormones and curiosity, plagued with
erections and surrounded with erotic images,
if he cannot find pleasure and release
in masturbation? He can learn subterfuge
and stealth is what. He can learn to get
off as fast as possible before getting
caught.
And that is exactly what he does: as this
boy is imprinting his sexual response cycle,
he does so not with pleasure and leisure,
but furtively, rushed, and suffused with
guilt and shame. The pattern is established
and reinforced until he forms his early
romantic connections, themselves often
rushed and unsatisfying.
If he is lucky, he will establish sexual
relationships sufficiently long-term and
caring to adjust this response pattern
to include pleasure and leisure. If not,
he carries his original pattern with him
until there is an intervention, usually
in the form of sex therapy, often after
years of disappointment and embarrassment.
And so I aim this column
at the mothers and fathers of little
boys, hoping to alert you to the pivotal
role you have in the shaping of your
son’s sexual happiness.
I am fully aware and respectful of the
intergenerational sexual taboo between
parents and children. I also know that
you have the power to teach your boys pride,
pleasure and comfort in their bodies. You
can do this by leaving your toddlers alone
when they happily fondle their genitals
and by closing the door when you encounter
them playing doctor (you may want to provide
books with sex information appropriate
to their age following your discovery).
Don’t wait for them to ask you about
sex—lead with information. Before
they hit puberty, prepare them for the
physical changes awaiting them and explain
that their bodies are in training for sex.
This is your opportunity
to impart your family values about sexuality.
If you want your children to believe
that sex is a glorious, fun-filled game
that adults play, this is the time to
explain that. Let them know now about
nocturnal emissions (wet dreams) so they
won’t be alarmed
by them. Tell them about the value and
enjoyment of masturbation. Talk about the
pleasure of sex. This is a good time to
talk about privacy. Start knocking--and
wait for a response--before entering your
child’s room.
Will you feel awkward
and embarrassed? Probably! Happily, there
are marvellous books to help you. Plan
an outing to a bookstore and find the
sexuality section. Locate some books
written for parents and targeted to kids
their age. Pick a topic that makes you
feel particularly uncomfortable--oftentimes
that’s masturbation. Look up that
topic in the Index of each book and see
which books best match your family values.
Shortlist accordingly and choose your favourites
from those winners.
After you have read
your chosen books, present the books
to your kids or read them together. Don’t
make it a big deal. Your children will
love being informed and will learn that
they can come to you with questions.
Optimally this process starts when your
children are toddlers and evolves, but
it is never too late. Informed kids are
protected kids. They are less vulnerable
to exploitation and manipulation and they
grow up more confident and respectful of
themselves and others. And boys who are
given information, permission and privacy
regarding masturbation grow up avoiding
the agony of premature ejaculation.
As we come to the end
of another year, perhaps it would make
a fine new year’s
resolution to do more to foster good healthy
sexuality in our children.
© 2006.
Dr. Pega Ren. |
Toy
of the Month
The Wahl has long been
the gold standard of women's
vibrators (along with the Hitachi
Magic Wand, depending on preference).
Now it seems there may be a better
mousetrap.
Check out the Natural
Contours Ideal Vibrator marketed
by our affiliate, Libida. Not only
is it ergonomically designed, it
is also rechargeable...handy if you're
a traveller or hate to bother with
electrical cords. It's Smart Sex
Talk's Pick of the Month. |
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Sites
of the Month:
Want an extra optical inch on
your "bleep"? Phillips is marketing this product
to the gay and metrosexual market. This might
be a little something to tuck into his stocking
this year.
~
Now here's some political action
we can all put our hand to (pun intended) to
further world peace - Global Orgasm.
By coordinating a synchronized global orgasm,
the organizers hope to influence the Earth's
energy field and end war. As I am not a quantum
physicist, I cannot comment on the efficacy
of their proposed solution, however the notion
that a synchronized orgasm might change global
energy patterns, and could be measured, is
intriguing.
Go to http://www.globalorgasm.org/demo.html or http://www.globalorgasm.org/video_sm.html
From the website:
"The Global Consciousness Project (http://noosphere.princeton.edu),
Princeton University, runs a network of Random
Event Generators (REGs) around the world, which
record changes in randomness during global
events. The results show that human consciousness
can be measured to have a global effect on
matter and energy during widely-watched events
such as 9/11 and the Indian Ocean tsunami.
There have also been measurable results during
mass meditations and prayers.
The Zero Point Field or Quantum Field surrounds
and is part of everything in the universe.
It can be affected by human consciousness,
as can be seen when simple observation of a
subatomic particle changes the particle's state.
We hope that a huge influx of physical, mental
and spiritual energy with conscious peaceful
intent will not only show up on Princeton's
REGs, but will have profound positive effects
that will change the violent state of the human
world."
|
Articles
of the Month:
Do children
of gay parents develop differently? According
to this
article, it seems they do. Girls believe
they have more career choices and boys are less
aggressive.
 to
Eric Keroack, director of a
Massachusetts Christian non-profit that opposed
contraception and abortion, newly-appointed
head of the federal Office of Population Affairs,
which oversees federally funded teen pregnancy,
family-planning, and abstinence programs. Planned
Parenthood describes him as "anti sex education".
Unfortunately, this position does not require
Senate confirmation.
 to
NYC for some
forward-thinking legislation.
As we watch what happens in the
USA, this article is a
reminder not to get complacent here in Canada.
This article puts a human face
on how
our hysteria about sex offenders affects real
people.
award
goes to Google (and to
Yahoo and MicroSoft). This
issue bears watching.
And while we're
getting our knickers in a knot about all this
sexually explicit
material on the web that President
Bush is so zealous about knowing about, this
article tells us just how much content that actually
is.
New
drug approved to fight hepatitis B.
One Christian's reward for living a life of
service, honesty, and transparency.
Ed.
Note: Many
readers have probably heard about Ted Haggard's
story. Read below for several perspectives.
to
Mike Jones for his courage in exposing this hypocrisy.
Dan
Savage on finding forgiveness for Haggard.
Another
thoughtful column by Dan Savage on the Haggard 'affair'
in which Savage examines some real family
values.
|
Calls
for Participants
Psychology Masters
Degree student posts survey about casual sex:
"My name is Tom Pearson and I am a psychology
graduate student at the University of Northern
British Columbia. With the help of my supervisor,
Dr. Sherry Beaumont, I am currently working on
my thesis proposal that is focusing on potential
individual difference factors that may predict
why casual sex has a variable impact on young
adult's psychological health.
My survey will be about 150 items, of which 60
items will be very short (just rating emotions
after reading casual sex scenarios). Participants
will also be asked to fill out demographic information,
sexual history information, a questionnaire on
styles of relating to others, and a questionnaire
on casual sex motives."
~
I am a psychology
student at Campbell University in North Carolina
and would greatly appreciate your assistance
by completing this survey.
Beyond being a psychology student, I am also someone within the BDSM
community and a gender queer.
I understand the need for both privacy and confidentiality.
Subsequently, the privacy of those who complete the survey will be
respected and all information will be maintained and recorded to ensure
confidentiality. The name or identity of survey participants is not
requested at any time and will never be requested.
The sensation seeking survey should take only 15 minutes of your
time and is composed mostly of questions that require a true / false
answer or a yes / no answer. The only typing involved is to click to
select an answer and only four questions require a number to be typed.
The purpose of this study is to determine your level of sensation
seeking and if you have further questions please contact me at the
following email address: sensationseekingsurvey@gmail.com
Here's the URL for the survey:
http://sensationseeking.techdonkey.com/
Thank you for your time,
Chris "Xadrian" Thomas
|
Call
to Action:
Forwarded from Canadians for Equal Marriage:
ACTION ALERT: DECEMBER MARRIAGE VOTE!!
After almost a year of waiting, it's now virtually
certain that a
vote on Mr. Harper's motion to re-open the
divisive equal marriage
debate will take place in December, likely
the week of December 4.
Last week, following a CEM press conference
urging the Prime Minister
not to break his promise of a fall vote, Justice
Minister Vic Toews
told reporters the vote would take place before
Parliament breaks for
the holidays on December 15. He said "The
prime minister has made a
commitment and he will honour that commitment."
Meanwhile, on November 9, over 40 religious
leaders signed
the "Declaration
on Marriage" and
sent it to all MPs and Senators.
They have been mobilizing their congregations,
especially focusing on
50 MPs who are most likely to change their
votes. We're hearing from
some MPs that in the last few weeks they've
seen a huge increase in
correspondence from equal marriage opponents
and are not hearing from
those of us who are against re-opening. It's
important that they hear
from us too!!
Our task now is to shore up our support and
ensure that Mr. Harper's
regressive motion is defeated by the widest
possible margin. That's
because following the defeat of his motion
we want Mr. Harper to
publicly state that the issue is settled. The
wider the margin, the
greater the chance of getting him to admit
that this issue is
settled, not just in this Parliament, but for
good! If he doesn't
admit that it's settled, then it's an election
issue. AGAIN!!
It's time to take re-opening
off the political agenda, so that
equality opponents will lose any ability to
de-legitimize our
marriages. It's simply unfair for this to continue,
and for LGBT
people to have to go on defending our marriages,
our families and our
sexual orientation and gender identity.
Please go to www.equal-marriage.ca/election.php
and contact your MP.
In these final days, the best way to do that
is to call their
constituency office, which is a local call.
You can find your MP's
phone number on our website or
here.
Phone calls really get noticed, they take only
a minute
or two, and all you have to say is something
like:
"I support equal
marriage and urge [MP's name] to vote against
re-opening this
divisive debate. Over 12,000 same-gender couples
have been married in
Canada and that hasn't hurt anyone. It's time
to move on."
We know
a strong majority of MP's currently intend
to vote against re-
opening, but if all they hear in the lead-up
to the vote are calls
to "restore traditional marriage" some
of them may get scared and
change their mind. Memories are short, so even
if you've already
contacted your MP, it's important to contact
them again, and to do so
immediately.
Please visit www.equal-marriage.ca/election.php today
to contact your
MP. Of course, please don't stop there. Please
take all four of our
action steps, including making a donation to
Canadians for Equal
Marriage. Our strength depends on you, and
every donation counts!
Please take action today, so that we don't
lose any MPs to the huge
mobilization now being put on by groups like
the Evangelical
Fellowship, the Canadian Conference of Catholic
Bishops, Defend
Marriage and many others. We want this issue
settled once and for
all, and a decisive defeat of Mr. Harper's
motion to re-open will do
just that. Let's give it all we can!!
Yours truly,
Laurie Arron
National Coordinator
Canadians for Equal Marriage
www.equal-marriage.ca
laurie@equal-marriage.ca
|
Humour
A man doing market research for the Vaseline
Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young
woman with three small children running around at her
feet.
"I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you
ever used the product?"
She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the
time."
"If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what
do you use it for?"
"We use it for sex," she answered.
The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually
people say they use it on a child's bicycle chain
or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know
that most people do use it for sex. I admire your honesty.
Since you've been so frank, can you tell me exactly
HOW you use it for sex?"
The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all.
My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps
the kids out."
~
~
Here's a little stocking stuffer
for the women in your life. They'll thank you for thinking
of their personal hygiene.
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